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The Meaning of our Bodies and the Meaning of Marriage
 Retreat Talk for Teens Monica Ashour MTS; M Hum ©2008 I.

Introduction—True story—Pushing blazer out of the snow bank. There are 3 things I am hoping you will take from this talk: 1. Matter matters (The brilliant way God decided to make us humans…our bodies mattering and “speaking” to us about who we are). 2. Holy Moly Marriage!! (The sacredness of marriage) 3. Pro-life=happiness; anti-life=sadness (The opposite of living the language of the body will bring sadness, living in a pro-life way brings joy).

II. Matter Matters
 A. The body “speaks” a language…can we say, sings, a language. (Get a sanguine boy and a sanguine girl to come forward and sing hi (boy) low (girl) then the opposite.) There is a difference. God even put it in our vocal chords.
B. Guys are rough, tough, and buff! (Get a man with a beard who does not mind being made fun of). Wouldn’t you say that he is rough, tough, and buff??!! Describe men. (Get a boy to arm-wrestle me). What does this say about guys? Your body is letting you know some of what you are supposed to do: protect and provide, especially for women and children. (Examples of moving big boxes—call my 3 brothers, not my 2 sisters. Got stuck on this big rock once in Minnesota—a man carried me down, not the 2 other women with me). (Caveat—we women are not wimps. “We women not wimpy!” My story of the snow bank!) Story of Fernando. Flesh and blood. Guys, you can start living this right now—sticking up for those who are not as cool, especially girls in your class. Serving your mama. Helping your sister. Etc. Think about the opposite of protecting and providing for girls: using them. I am not only talking about boys who say, “Come here baby, let’s do this.” Let me tell you. Some of my female students share such mistakes and are so hurt; they are not protected; they are damaged. Guys. Live according to your rough, tough, and buff body. Don’t listen to society’s idea of inter-relating with girls. Those are lies. Lies too are prominent at the abortion mill too. When I have gone to talk to guys walking up with girls, one thing I try to convince them is that they think they are helping their girlfriend/wife, but in fact, they are doing the opposite. This I realized from 7th grade boys about 5 years ago when I was teaching them rough, tough, and buff. They said, “Miss Ashour, guys who let a girl have an abortion are not protecting. They are afraid of a baby…the tiniest human. They are not reading the “language of their body.”
 C. Girls are hiding and inviting. (Even the description of us is so much prettier!) We can’t be like our brothers—growing up, didn’t you think before you knew/understood modesty, “Well, Johnny gets to take off his shirt when digging in the garden. Why can’t I?” So, even then our mothers were teaching us to be female is to be hiding. Our attire should not be too revealing nor too frumpy but flattering. (Be funny about guys closing your ears…you may not know this about women). Every female here has a womb! It’s true. We invite the unborn baby to live in his first home, inside the woman’s body. We are inviting. And after the baby is born, we can nourish the baby with our own bodies. Amazing. So, what is God saying to us women, just by us understanding our bodies more? We are to welcome and nurture others. Not many of us in this room have had babies. I have never been married and so have not had a baby, but I know that by virtue of being a woman, by understanding my body, that I am meant to welcome and nurture others. I do that by giving talks, being a good teacher, being a loving aunt, etc. You, too, girls can be more and more attuned to your body but welcoming those friends who need your shoulder to cry on, by welcoming those classmates who others treat poorly, by going up to those who don’t have many friends and trying to let them know someone cares. And know, girls, that you and I, too, can go against the language of the body. Do you only talk to people for what they can give to you? (wii, i-pod, cool car?) And think about the poor women who violate their femininity when they have abortions. The womb should be the safest place on earth, but it becomes a Dachae, a concentration camp with bloodshed. Instead of welcoming and nurturing, she does the opposite of her language of the body. (Caveat: The college student who told me she had an abortion and I was privileged to walk with her as she became Catholic, crying with her after she finally got to go to Confession.)

III. Holy Moly Marriage: The Meaning of Marriage
 A. Marriage as the Best Natural Sign of Who God Is. Now that we have considered that our bodies, male and female, are “messages” to us of how to live, think about them both together. Pope John Paul in his Theology of the Body says that marriage is the best natural sign of who God is in his very essence. Remember, we spoke of that before. We are not orc with horns; we have arms, legs, ears to help us love, to be a gift of self which makes us like God. Similarly, Pope John Paul saw that men and women were made for each other. We don’t need sex education here! Male and female bodies go together. God wants men and women to fall in love, get married, and have babies! He wants families! And guess what, John Paul said that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit form the first family. Again, families are to bring life and love to others…the reason that is the case is because all families can love and give life because they rely on the Blessed Trinity. (Remember, too, that you and I who are not married also live out that life by loving all those in our lives.) This is why abortion is so wrong. It rejects the fruit of love, the life of love, and so is the total opposite of the Blessed Trinity. (Here, I do not mean to be mean-spirited…I am sure people who go into an abortion mill don’t think, “I am about to be an anti-image of the Blessed Trinity.” But I want to tell you so that you can help others, even before they get into trouble and consider hurting themselves and their baby.)
 B. The Sacredness of Marriage (Holy Moly Marriage) I need to wrap up this talk, but before I do, I want to make one more comparison. Just as the Eucharist is a sacrament, so too is marriage a sacrament. You would never dream of going to a “fake” Mass---like someone who pretends to be a priest but is not. (Not talking about “playing Mass when you were little). That would be a desecration. Then, why would you “fake” marriage…by engaging in acts that God made for a married couple. And think about this. When we receive the Eucharist, we are renewing our baptismal vows…it is a sacred act. You would never dream of taking the Eucharist and desecrating it. Never. Then, why, when the marital embrace is a renewing of vows that the couple made on the altar, would you participate in an act which desecrates the body and marriage.

Instead, live your life being pro-life, waiting until the sacredness of marriage. I will end with a true story of Zack and Erin. I was Erin’s spiritual director and was hesitant in affirming that she should marry Zack, even though he was a fabulous guy. The reason: he had Cystic Fibrosis…Erin would be a widow in only a short amount of time. They were happily married…so very happy. Sure enough, his disease began to wear him down. Finally, he was in the hospital dying. I remember going often to St. Paul’s Hospital in Dallas to be with Erin and Zack. He witnessed to me what it meant to be a man. Even though his rough, tough, and buff body was failing, he provided for his wife…the most important thing he provided was his faith until the bitter end. He would tell us we needed to pray by turning his palm over, even when he could hardly move and could not speak. We would then pray..he led to the end. Finally, on June 20th, the same day Fernando shed his flesh and blood for his sister a year previous, Zack died…that was on the 4th anniversary of his and Erin’s wedding. He died, I witnessed it, as Erin gently kissed him for the last time as he took his final breath. That is marriage. That is living according to the language of the body. You too can do the same.

No one undertakes a journey alone. We depend upon each others constantly—in ways tangible and intangible—to move us toward our destination. We cannot succeed without the help of others, but forming positive relationships can be a challenge. Relationships help us reach our fullest potential. – John Maxwell

Relationship is what I'm sure we both have and that makes me proud of our organization. It is the relationship I have with you as a friend and now as a business partner and more importantly as a leader. What we have now can last for a lifetime. Our relationship is our advantage to eye and hit success. We are connected. We have respect and trust with each other, we have shared experiences together and together we are stronger.

As I read John Maxwell’s book about REAL Leadership I realized a lot of things—it is not really easy to be a leader. I felt the need to improve myself for my growing organization. I want to learn how to effectively lead you and our organization to our goals. All I ask is that you to trust and respect my leadership.

The least important word: I
This is not about me. This is about us, all of us and our journey to success
The most important word: WE
We are meant to be together and together let us make a difference and continue to make things happen
The two most important words: THANK YOU
Thank you for saying YES to Financial Freedom. I thank God you’re part of me and that you’re in my world
The three most important words: ALL IS FORGIVEN
Let us move on to a promising 2010 and forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and misunderstandings
The four most important words: WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?
I want to know your opinion especially in our business. You are a brilliant person, let us keep on sharing! Let us be a contribution to each other's lives
The five most important words: YOU DID A GREAT JOB
Congratulations in advance for having an upcoming leader. You already have two unstoppable leaders in your organization. Keep up the momentum!
The six most important words: I WANT TO UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER
Let me enter your world so I can understand you better. I care for you, always... I won’t give up on you, I will be strong for you.

To continue click http://financialfreedom-abundance.blogspot.com/2010/02/open-letter-about-leadership.html

Maraming salamat.
Makakapasok na ako.
Kahit sobrang late na.

Better late than never nga diba. =)

i was so inspired after reading an entry from a friends FB.  as i was reading i cried because until now its so hard for me to forgive some people in my life. also recently had a relationship while we are both married.... i forgive him for what he did..but Bo is right... you have to forgive the person but that doesent mean you go back to the same old situation. but Bo how come its so hard to move on? so hard to forget this guy.... i went very far just to forget him and to move on! but still so hard to forget! it's like i know how to forgive but i dont know how to forget! i love my family! i know its all up to me!

FRATERNAL CHARITY – Supernatural love of neighbor out of love for God.

 

=PRACTICE OF FRATERNAL CHARITY=

1.)  Avoid rash judgement – conclusive suspicion about unknown situation of the other.

2.)  Avoid antipathies – conclusive dislike of the other.

= resist emotional tendencies and treat them as means of temptation

3.)  Avoid bitter words

A.)            Words of ridicule – nakakaasar

B.)Words of contempt – nakakapuwing

C.)            Excessive criticism – pamumuna

4.)  Avoid discusions

a.)   Give way to non-sensical argumenst

b.)  Accept your failure

c.)  Listen to opinions and arbitrations

5.)  Aviod rivalries – self – rivalry or karibal

6.)  Avoid listening to or spreading false repost – avoid tsismis

7.)  Avoid discordial indiferrence.

 

=QUALITIES OF FRATERNAL CHARITY=

1.)  Fraternal charity is prevenient

a.)   Desirous of the good of others person – isipin and kapakanan ng iba

b.)  No partiality

2.)  Fraternal charity is compassionate

a.)  marunong maawa

b.)forgive and forget

3.)  Fraternal charity is generous

a.)  It is sacrificial = familiar charity, iniisip ang kapakanan ng iba

b.)It is self – less = clothed into a new man

c.)  It is non – profiting = no self-interest

d.)It is always ready to give.

As the song goes...

"We had the right love at the wrong time."

1st Part: PAST-The Movement of Time

I walked into the left side of the church, hearing nothing but the fast beat of my heart. Everything seemed such a blur.  It was silent for a while.

Then slowly, the sounds entered my mind like it usually does in a movie-the footsteps of churchgoers, the noise of children playing outside the church, the whispering prayers of the people around me, as well as their murmurs, the humming of the birds and the soft breeze outside the church. It was supposedly one ordinary afternoon.

Then he came out from the left side-door. He was wearing an immaculate-blue colored shirt with collar, with his routinely used jeans as his working pants. His skin was glowing, a little bit shiny, giving accent to his flawless face. He was still as tall but not as thin as he used to be. He gained about twenty to thirty pounds, I presumed.

I stared at him and how he looked at me. This man, I thought, was the man I left almost four years ago. And he hasn't changed that much. He was quite surprised at the sight of me, sitting in one of the benches inside the church. It was then a very strange sight.

I was thinking,

"Did he recognize me?"

I figured,

Maybe not."

He walked right past me, just about a few meters away from where I was sitting. And went on to his usual route from the side of the church going to the front. So I stood up, walked up to him, trying to relax and calm my self. I was dead nervous.

I stopped right in front of him, and faced him. He moved sideways to face me and stopped. Then I said the most liberating, nerve-wracking word I could ever think of--- "Hello."

He was shocked. But he smiled at me and motioned me towards his arms and hugged me sideways for a second, his arms around my shoulders.

He said, "How are you?"

I smiled back, still trying to hide the nervousness I felt.

Then I said, "Long time, no see."

Then I figured, it wasn't the right answer to his question. But he still smiled at me. I couldn't believe he was going to react this way, with all smiles!? After what I did to him After leaving him sober and crying his heart out in front of my then new school... After breaking his heart and my promise of unending love? This is how he reacts?! I really could not believe it.

But then again, I didn't want to doubt his welcoming presence so I went with the flow and asked him how he was doing. He was obviously fine. He was better now compared to how he was when I left him. He was no longer crying, no longer bitter, no longer angry. Did I need to ask if he was fine? Hell, no. But I had to ask something! Or should I say, I had to say something. My hands were shaking like crazy and I was feeling numb. I had to say something.

We sat down on one of the benches and talked about us, our past relationship, our families, careers, plans, dreams, and how we ended up with our present relationships. It's amazing how we became so open to these issues after all these years. I was again, for the nth time, in awe.

In the course of our conversation, my nervousness faded away. My hands didn't tremble like an pathetic patient having an epilepsy attack. My body's temperature seemed to have gone back to normal. I was comfortable. It was like his presence somehow emanated different neurons and positive energies to my body that it neutralized everything that I was feeling. Then I realized… this man is not a stranger. At least, he no longer is.

As we talked, I studied him in all his glory. Of course, it was just from the side view. But that didn't matter much. I could still see from his face that this man has not changed at all. Then he told me something I could never forget.

"You know, for the longest time, until now, it is you that I still love. If I had the chance to make another choice, I would still choose to love you."

I could not say anything. I just wanted to hug him and cry. I have always wanted to hear these words in such a long time that I totally forgot when. This man, whom I have loved completely, whom I was very much willing to fight for, whom I almost chose over my career, this is the man I gave so much of myself to. This man was not just any other man. He was the man I used to love so much, and now he's telling me how much he still feel the exact same way about me.

I tried to stop my tears from welling my eyes. Again, I had to say something. I had to do something or I'd probably end up crying all my tears out and God knows what else could happen.

So I forced a smile to my face, with a sigh and said, "Really?"

Then he looked at me and smiled.

"Really", he said.

He asked me how I was able to move on. I told him how I used to cry every night. It was the saddest days of my life, I must say. I would write songs that would mirror my emotions. I was in deep hurt. My heart was dripping wet from my own tears. It was painful. I didn't know when and how I managed to stop myself from a slow death like that. But I did. And I was proud to say, I did.

I asked him what made him go on. It was the same question I longed to ask myself. He said that the more he thought of me, the more he understood why I chose to leave him. He emphasized that he never had hard feelings left towards me or to any of my family for what had happened. He completely understood and accepted everything, simply because he knew I was doing the right thing. And he respected that. He said he would always think of me and wonder if I am okay, or if I'm still crying. He said he always knew I had a wonderful career ahead of me and as much as he wanted me to stay, he didn't want to hold me back.

I respected him more for that. I never figured he was the ultimately understanding and forgiving type. Though he was undeniably like that when we were still together, i never actually knew how understanding or forgiving he was until today. I was overwhelmed.

I asked him a few more questions about his newfound love. Then I found out it was nothing like what we had. He said he didn't want to compare but he couldn't help it. The girl doesn't seem to love him at all. She would usually cling to him in public places, embracing him tightly everywhere. "Yes," he said. "It was very humiliating to go publicly in that situation." But he said the girl would always get mad if he doesn't agree to this physical attachment in public.

"When she's mad, she'd do crazy things like biting me, pinching me or worse, smashing me with anything she finds near her."

I pitied him. I never did those things to him. It's true. I had caused him a lot deeper wounds than those. It probably bruised him longer that those bruises healed. But it was different. When someone hurts you physically, you don't only get hurt physically. You also suffer emotional, social, and spiritual pain. It was way different than the hurt he used to feel when I left. He admitted how sometimes, he would leave the girl and break up with her, simply because he doesn't want to continue the relationship anymore. But she kept on coming back to him, wanting him back, asking for forgiveness and promising she'd never do it again... But then the story goes on and on.

So I told him…

"I never did that to you for a few reasons… First: because it was not right. Second: because I respected you enough not for me to invade your physical attachment to your inner self. Third: because I didn't have to… You loved me unconditionally. What was there to be mad at?"

He then asked me,

"Do you love him?"

I smiled and replied,

"Yes."

He asked me again.

"Do you really love him?"

Again, I said,

“Yes, I really do love him".

He asked me the third time and this was his question:

"Do you love him VERY MUCH?"

I felt awkward saying it as proud as I did. But my answer was:

"Yes, I really do love him... VERY MUCH."

I laughed at how ironic this scene was. I was with my ex-boyfriend, talking about how much I love my present boyfriend. It was nothing I expected. I asked him if we really had to talk about these things. He was three hundred percent sure when he said "Yes". I found it funny. He gave a meaningful explanation of why we had to have that kind of conversation.

"It is important for me to know that you love him more than you loved me. Because I know, in my heart, that I love you more that his girl in my life. I loved you more than any other girls I've loved before and I still love you just as much. If you had the slightest doubt that you love him more than you loved me, I would bring back all our lost time together and choose to be with you once again."

I was speechless.

"...", I said.

Then I sighed.

Again, I wanted to cry.

I told him that I could never deny how true our love was for each other. It was deep and lasting. I told him I could never forget how he loved me, or how I have loved him. It was so real that I could feel like it happened just yesterday. But it didn't. It was four years ago when we used to love each other. I then figured, it was never gone. Those feelings might have been buried with all the pain and hurtful things we have gone through. But it never died. All those happy memories still lived in our hearts. The happy choice of loving someone so deeply was not an easy thing to forget. And we didn't.  I'm glad we didn't.

We were silent for a while. Then goes this echoing sound...

kkkrrrrrrrrrrrinnngggg... krrrriinggggg...

It was my cellphone, ringing. I was immersed in my thoughts. I was at a loss. I was reminiscing my youth and thinking how fast the time had flown. I was trying to understand how things had affected me and the way I see things. I was trying to connect the dots. It was-

kkkrrrrrrrrrrrinnngggg... krrrriinggggg...

It was still my phone, ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hi my dear. Where are you?"

It’s my boyfriend, Rain, calling. It was time to face reality.

This is what we now call Present.

(NEXT BLOG: PRESENT-The Movement of Time)

 

 If every FATHER on earth is like Dick Hoyt, this place would be paradise.

I have watched most of their videos before, and it still gets me everytime.    

Warning:  Your dam will break so grab some tissue before watching the clip.


Does your father love you like Dick Hoyt loves his son? I honestly wish mine did.

=DO YOU WANT HAPPY RELATIONSHIP? LOVE YOURSELF=

 

Here’s my big message today: You can only have happy relationships if you have happy self-love.

Nope, I’m not talking about narcissism—or extreme selfishness. Here’s why: I believe selfish people don’t really love themselves.

Let me tell you my story.

       Two years ago, I attended my 25^th Alumni Homecoming.

It was great catching up with old friends. We were all bigger, balder, and bumpier in various parts of our body.

       But what gave the heebeejeevies was walking through my old school building. I was overwhelmed with a flood of not-so-happy memories. I realized how much I didn’t like school.

You see, I was a very insecure kid.

I was very shy. I was introverted. I had pimples. I was so thin, they called me tipaklong (grasshopper). For Filipinos, my nose was large, so they called it a grand piano hanging on my face.

And some classmates bullied me. They called me names. They pushed me around. They forced me to do errands. And they made me their lifetime supply of pad paper. 

       In youth lingo, I was a Loser with a capital L.

But I felt all my classmates were so confident, so large, so outgoing, and so happy. They loved school. 

And so I asked myself this disturbing question: What is wrong with me?  Hundreds of times a day, I would ask myself this question. And for years, this question was my constant refrain.

What Is Wrong With Me?

25 years later, I know God has healed me because I don’t ask that cynical question as often anymore.

I now love myself.

I’ve grown in confidence.

And I’ve become successful!

       I have a wonderful family and fantastic friends.

       I’ve written bestselling books.

And my pimples are gone.

I’ve grown to my ideal weight.

My face is larger, so my nose isn’t a grand piano anymore. (Now it looks more like a church organ.)

       And thanks to my friend, co-preacher, and couturier, Adrian Panganiban, I dress well. Suits, ties, the works. He makes clothes for showbiz stars and has made it his personal mission to make me look guwapo. I think he has succeeded (Ahem).

But may I be honest with you?

At rare times, I still find myself asking that judgmental question: What is wrong with me?

       It’s amazing how after 25 years, a tiny part of me is still that insecure schoolboy that wanted people to like me.

My problem through all those years? 

I didn’t love myself.

       For decades, my heart was empty of self-love.

       But was my heart really empty? 

Your Heart Filled With Either

Self-Love Or Neediness

Imagine your heart to be an empty bottle.

But it’s not really empty. It’s actually filled with air.

       In the same way, when a human heart doesn’t have self-love, it isn’t empty. It’s filled with neediness.

The air in the bottle is a symbol of neediness.

But if you pour water in it, it pushes air out of the bottle. The more water it has, the less air it has.

       That water is self-love.

I believe the only solution to neediness is self-love.

If you learn to love yourself, you’ll push out neediness from your heart. The more you love yourself, the less neediness you have. The less you love yourself, the more neediness you have.

       Would you know neediness if you saw it?

Do You Have Neediness?

       Neediness, or a lack of self-love, is expressed in so many ways. Here are a few of them…

·        Some, like me, become people-pleasers. They’ll be kind, gentle, and smile at everybody so they’ll be liked. Because their substitute for self-love is to be liked.

·        Some achieve a lot, get good grades, and do great things. Because their substitute for self-love is to be admired.

·        Some rebel, get angry, disobey, and reject everyone. Because they’re substitute to be loved is to receive attention.

·        Some become victims of abuse. (Read my example later.)

As I said, I expressed my neediness in the first way—by becoming a good guy. All these years, people thought I was such a loving person. (I fooled you, didn’t I?)

But in reality, I wasn’t giving love; I was buying love.

I wasn’t giving love; I was giving neediness. Because you can only give what is in your heart.

Boy, was I miserable! 

Because I lacked self-love, it was impossible to have a healthy, happy, relationship with others.

       Let me tell you an extreme example…

The Need To Be Needed

Angela is married to her college sweetheart Marty.

But Marty is an alcoholic.

A few times a month, he comes home very drunk and beats Angela. He gives her a black eye. Slaps on the face. Bruises on the arm. 

When he wakes up, he doesn’t even remember what he did. 

Marty kneels down before a battered Angela and asks for forgiveness. He’s totally repentant and sobs like a baby.

But one or two weeks after, he gets drunk again and beats her up again. This insanity has been going on for seven years.

Many friends have told Angela to leave Marty. And she has. But Marty would find her and beg her to return. And out of love, she would return home—only to be beaten again.

But is it really out of love?

No. It’s neediness.

Specifically, the need to be needed.

Like me, Angela’s heart is filled with neediness, begging for love. Because she can’t find love, she mistakes being needed as love. And she finds it in her sick husband.

Angela’s neediness attracted Marty’s neediness. Two needy people needing each other. It was the perfect recipe for an unhappy marriage. (I’ll talk more about this later.)

I talked to Angela.

I told her the harsh truth, “You don’t really love her husband.”

“How could you say that?” she said, “That’s why I’ve stuck with him…”

“If you really loved him, and not needed him, you would have run away from him a long time ago and never went near him until he stopped drinking for at least 6 to 12 months. He doesn’t need gentle love. He needs tough love. Are you willing to give that?”

She closed her eyes and wept.

The Problem Of The Needy Heart

I’m going to expose my age again.

Remember this song by Basil Valdez? “It’s your smile, your face, your lips that I miss; your sweet little eyes that stare at me and make me say, I’ll be with you through all the way, ‘Cause it’s you, Who fills the emptiness in me…”

Lovely song. But here’s what I learned about relationships: An empty heart can only give emptiness.  And emptiness is another word for neediness.

Have you heard this song by Barry Manilow? “You know I can’t smile without you, I can’t smile without You, I can’t laugh and I can’t sing, I’m findin’ it hard to do anything…”

I’ll be scared if I have a friend who can’t smile without me.

I’ll be scared if I have kids who can’t smile without me.

I’ll be scared if I have a wife who can’t smile without me.

Or have you heard this one by Mariah Carrey?  “I can’t live if living is without you, I can’t live, I can’t live anymore…”

Beautiful song. But if you’re looking for a spouse, I strongly urge you to look for someone who can actually live without you—but who will choose to live with you—not because he needs you, but because he loves you.

But this isn’t that easy. Again, I must warn you: Neediness attracts neediness. A needy heart is naturally attracted to another needy heart. The reason is obvious. If you can’t get love, might as well get its counterfeit: neediness. 

That’s why some women are jerk magnets. They’re attracted to bad guys because they need to be needed.

The only solution? Replace neediness with self-love.

Because you can only have healthy relationships if you have healthy self-love.

Five Ways Of Filling Your Heart

With Self-Love

      

       Let me share with you the five powerful ways of how to fill your heart with self-love. I’ve tried them. They work marvellously.

       Many relationships are suffering right now because of neediness. When you learn to love yourself, your relationships will be freed from neediness. And your relationships with become so much happier.

But I must warn you: Five is a big number. You won’t remember them all. What I want you to do is choose one thing that you believe God wants you to do today. Just one!

Here they are:

1. Believe in your own worthiness

2. Fulfil your dreams

3. Care for your needs

4. Relate with the right God

5. Relate with the right people

Step 1:

Believe In Your Worthiness

Do this for me.

Place your hands over your chest and say this out loud, “I’m a wonderful human being. I’m a beautiful person. I’m blessed. I’m equipped. I’m anointed. I’m talented.    I’m loved. I’m prosperous. I’m generous. I’m wealthy in every way.”

Do you feel better?

Then say these statements twice a day, once in the morning and once before you sleep at night!

Personally, I had to change my constant question in my mind. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” I had to start asking, “What’s right about me?”

Get a piece of paper and answer that question. Write whatever comes to mind. The longer the list, the better!

       Second, go to a loved one—and ask her, “What’s right about me? What’s great about me? What’s wonderful about me?”

Write down her answers.

And echo the Psalms when it says, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

       When you appreciate your worth, it’ll be much easier to appreciate the worth of others. And you’ll find your relationships growing in love.

Step 2:

Fulfil Your Dreams

       This actually saved me.

       I wasn’t very good with Step 1, “Believe In Your Worthiness”.

       But by God’s grace, I learned my mission early. I gave my first talk as a 13-year old boy and it changed my life. I suddenly knew my sacred mission.

       I learned to dream about my ministry a long time ago.

       But I had a hard time dreaming about my dreams—like what house I wanted to live in and how much money I wanted to earn or what car I wanted to drive. Because I felt this would be selfish. Shouldn’t my whole life be for God alone? 

But years later, I learned that to honor those dreams in my heart was to honor God who gave me those dreams.

I began to love myself by working on fulfilling my dreams.

Do yourself a big favor. First, know your dreams. Second, go and reach for your dreams.

Why will this bless your relationships? Because once you honor your dreams, you’ll be able to honor the dreams of others too. You’ll encourage people in your life to grow.

Step 3:

Care For Your Needs

      

       My wife calls me a low-maintenance husband.

       I don’t need much to be happy.

       A part of that is good. But a part of that comes from my past: For years, I felt guilty if I wanted something. Like it was a bad thing. I had to wrestle with that too.

       Later on, I learned to be aware of my needs and meet them generously.

       One of my strongest needs is to be quiet, to be alone, to read a book, to reflect. So I give that to myself as often as I can.

       My other need is to exercise regularly.

       And when I’m exhausted, I get a massage. My wife knows that if I want to feel loved, she’ll give me a foot massage. It beats a delicious casserole anytime.

       And about money. There was a time when I didn’t like spending for myself, just for others. Again, I felt selfish if I did. 

I could spend money as long as it’s for God or for others. But I’ve always had a hard time spending for my own needs.

Hey, perhaps this isn’t your problem. I know others who come from the opposite direction: All they do is spend for themselves and don’t give to God or others. Well, I believe God will pull you towards my direction. And we’ll meet somewhere in the middle!

But slowly, I’m learning. Last month, I bought a nice pair of headphones for myself.  It was the noise-cancelling headphones, great when you want to sleep in airplanes. I still couldn’t buy the expensive brand that costs P5000. So I just bought the cheap brand worth P800. But still, I felt wonderful.

       Being a simple person, I still have very few needs. But those needs, I try to honor whenever I can.

       Go ahead. Write your own needs on a piece of paper. And see how you can honor them too. 

Again, this simple act will bless your relationships because you can now serve people’s needs with a heart full of love, not neediness.

Step 4:

Relate To The Right Image of God

I’ve met people whose God is always angry and condemning. Then I’m sorry, prayer won’t help. Because you’re praying to the wrong god.

Fix your picture of God.

Read books on God’s Love. Talk to spiritual people who have the right image of God. Capture this vision.

And allow that God to love you.

Let Him whisper to your heart that you’re more wonderful than you can ever imagine.

This is one of the goals of the GodWhispersClub. If you’re not yet subscribed, log on at www.GodWhispersClub.com. You’ll get a GodWhispers Email twice a week. It’s free.

       When you change your image of God, your relationships with others will change by leaps and bounds because you become like the God that you worship. If you worship a judgmental god, you’ll be judgmental too. But if you start worshipping a God of great compassion and love, you’ll (slowly) be like Him too.

Step 5:

Relate To The Right People

Remember: Needy people attract needy people.

So be careful with the people who enter into your life.

If you’re not careful, you may end up with an inappropriate number of what many authors call “Emotional Vampires”. These are people who suck out your love and joy. There are many kinds of Emotional Vampires: The Demanding. The arrogant and the self-righteous. The bitter. The unfaithful. The manipulative. Addicts. Parasites. Complainers. Critics.

Imagine your life as a three-seater couch.

Because you only have 24 hours a day, there’s a limit to the people who you can hang out with—in the same way that there are a limited number of people who can sit on that couch.

If the spaces are filled, they’re filled. Your life isn’t like Facebook where you can accommodate 5000 friends.

Here’s my point: If you’re always hanging out with Emotional Vampires who suck out your love, you won’t have time to hang out with great, nourishing, and inspiring people who can give you love.

Look. I’m not saying you should get rid of your toxic spouse or toxic mother. I’m not saying you don’t spend time with needy people. Love them! Remember that Jesus spent time with tax-collectors, prostitutes, and drunkards, reaching out to them in love. That was His main ministry. But He balanced this by spending time with his disciples and with His Father too.

So increase your time with people whose hearts aren’t filled with neediness but love. When you surround yourself with the right people, you fill your heart with love too. So look for mentors, teachers, and coaches who can bless you.

It could even be a virtual mentor. 

For example, by reading my Soulfood Letter each week, you’re “spending time” with me. You’ve made me a virtual mentor. (I’m happy to be of service to you.)

Proverbs 13:20 says, Whoever walks with the wise will become wise; whoever walks with fools will suffer harm.

Choose One Assignment From God

       Now that you’ve read all five actions, pick one.

       Not two, or three, or four, or five.

       Just one assignment from God for today.

1. Believe in your own worthiness

2. Fulfil your dreams

3. Care for your needs

4. Relate with the right God

5. Relate with the right people

       Done?

       Great.

But hey, whatever you chose is still pretty broad.

Write down what one specific action you can do today.

       Love yourself, my friend.

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez

PS. Get Your Miracles at the KCon! Our biggest, grandest, most powerful event of the year, the Kerygma Conference 2009, will be on November 28-29. For the first time, it’ll be held simultaneously in Araneta Coliseum in Quezon City and in the Cebu International Convention Center—via “Live Feed”. It’ll be a miracle-filled affair you don’t want to miss. For Manila tickets, go to TicketNet at any SM branch or call (02) 7259999. For Cebu tickets, call (032) 4128142.

 

Conversations with a Merciful God

 (Excerpts from Saint Faustina's Diary)

 

 (79)      The Goodness of God.

1485 The mercy of God, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament, the voice of the Lord who speaks to us from the throne of mercy: Come to Me, all of you.

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Sinful Soul.

Jesus: Be not afraid of your Savior, O sinful soul. I make the first move to come to you, for I know that by yourself you are unable to lift yourself to me. Child, do not run away from your Father; be willing to talk openly with your God of mercy who wants to speak words of pardon and lavish his graces on you. How dear your soul is to Me! I have inscribed your name upon My hand; you are engraved as a deep wound in My Heart.

Soul: Lord, I hear your voice calling me to turn back from the path of sin, but I have neither the strength nor the courage to do so.

Jesus: I am your strength, I will help you in the struggle.

 Soul: Lord, I recognize your holiness, and I fear You.

Jesus: My child, do you fear the God of mercy? My holiness (80) does not prevent Me front being merciful. Behold, for you I have established a throne of mercy on earth—the tabernacle—and from this throne I desire to enter into your heart. I am not surrounded by a retinue or guards. You can come to me at any moment, at any time; I want to speak to you and desire to grant you grace.

Soul: Lord, I doubt that You will pardon my numerous sins; my misery fills me with fright.

 

 

 

 

Jesus: My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue with Me about your wretchedness. You will give me pleasure if you hand over to me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you the treasures of My grace.

(81) Soul: You have conquered, O Lord, my stony heart with Your goodness. In trust and humility I approach the tribunal of Your mercy, where You yourself absolve me by the hand of your representative. O Lord, I feel Your grace and Your peace filling my poor soul. I feel overwhelmed by Your mercy, O Lord. You forgive me, which is more than I dared to hope for or could imagine. Your goodness surpasses all my desires. And now, filled with gratitude for so many graces, I invite You to my heart. I wandered, like a prodigal child gone astray; but you did not cease to be my Father. Increase Your mercy toward me, for You see how weak I am.

Jesus: Child, speak no more of your misery; it is already forgotten. Listen, My child, to what I desire to tell you. Come close to My wounds and draw from the Fountain of Life whatever your heart desires. Drink copiously from the Fountain of Life and you will not weary on your journey. Look at the splendors of My mercy and do not fear the enemies of your salvation. Glorify My mercy.

 

I just lost a 3 years relationship. i really thought he is the 1 (ONE) for me.... but with little misunderstanding we decided to end the relationship and be good friends at the moment. to give space to our relationship. Right now im not stressed with out him in mylife.... God so Great! He is giving me new opportunities.